What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
