just come out here and I will go home with you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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