If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
