I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
