My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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