I cut my penus on the lid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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