it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
