If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
