its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's never too late to be topless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
