So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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