Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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