I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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