is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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