Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
