she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
