bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
