we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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