You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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