I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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