Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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