called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
