I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
