There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode