She said her name was "party"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed