mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now