His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.