i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?