Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
