i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
