My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
