It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just gift wrapped bread.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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