now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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