Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
