I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
