so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize