you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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