Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
