his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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