Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize