i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
