dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
