Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
