When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
