A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smelled like a LAN party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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