And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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