I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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