I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
