this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
