Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
