new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."