I heard we made out
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.