You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.