Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.