At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother