Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.