the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
