it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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