They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The Olympian is in my bed