Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove