he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.