I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.