I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants