why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
