piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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