I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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