Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
