You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
