im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
