I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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