I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
