dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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