We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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