I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
