Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
