So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
