omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
