She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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