How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
