Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
