Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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